


Always There Are Two

by notgeorgelucas



Series: The AU where Palpatine fell, Anakin didn't, and the Republic stands [3]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, watch out for falling Sith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgeorgelucas/pseuds/notgeorgelucas
Summary: Yet another in a Star Wars: The Clone Wars AU where Palpatine fell, Anakin didn't, the Republic stands and Sith Lords should really know better than to argue with children--especially Skywalker children.





	

“At last…” Darth Maul hissed. He stepped past the body lying on the floor and glared at the two children standing opposite. “At last my revenge on Kenobi and his ilk can begin…”

“You hurt our nanny!” Leia cried out. “Mommy is going to be _pissed!_ ”

“That’s the third one this year,” Luke agreed. “She said no one’s going to work for her at this rate.”

“Auntie Soka might, but Daddy gets mad when Mommy brings it up,” Leia pouted. “Auntie Soka’s cool.”

“SILENCE!” Maul bellowed. “Yes,” he mused after a moment. “This has possibilities. I will take you two to a place far away from the Jedi’s watch…”

“Oh, you mean Tatooine,” Luke nodded. “Daddy won’t go there. He hates sand.”

“What?” Maul blinked, momentarily distracted. “Never mind that! You will come with me and I will teach you the ways of the Dark Side…”

“Why?” Leia asked.

“So I can train you as my apprentices!” Maul roared.

“Why?” Leia repeated.

“Because the Force is strong with both of you, and under my tutelage you will become powerful, and through you we will destroy the Jedi blight upon this galaxy for all time!”

“Why?”

“Be…because I said so!” Maul all but screamed.

“You talk a lot,” Luke commented. He tilted his head slightly. “Do you have a penis?”

“….what?” Maul was growing increasingly irritated with all these distractions.

“Uncle Obi said he cut you in two,” Luke explained. “That means you don’t have a penis or a butt. How do you go potty? I have a penis,” he added proudly.

“So does Daddy,” Leia remarked. “Mommy calls it his Lightsaber of Love.”

“We’re not supposed to know about that,” Luke noted. “Because we’re too young and impressionable.”

“ENOUGH!” Maul sighed; he was beginning to wonder if this was going to be worth the effort. “You will come with me,” he growled menacingly at the children (who curiously weren’t showing the slightest trace of fear). “I will train you in the ways of the Sith, and you will become my apprentices…”

“That won’t work,” Leia corrected him.

“WHAT?”

“Master Yoda says there are always two Sith—a master and apprentice,” Leia noted sagely. “There are three of us—one, two, three. Mommy says I have a calculating mind,” she said with a smug grin. “So your plan won’t work.”

“Then once I’ve completed your training, you will battle to the death for the right to be my apprentice…”

“No,” Leia shook her head sadly. “I don’t think so. We don’t need you.”

“WHAT?”

“One, two.” Leia pointed at herself and her brother. “We already have a master and apprentice.”

“I’m _her_ ‘prentice,” Luke said proudly.

“I…I…”

“So thank you very much, but no thank you,” Leia said politely. “I think you should go now.”

“I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!” Maul screamed, reaching for his lightsaber. “I WILL REND THE TWO OF YOU INTO SMALL PIECES FOR YOUR PARENTS TO…what?” The Sith suddenly noticed he couldn’t move, and worse yet, he was hovering helplessly in mid-air.

“You’re a bad man,” Leia said calmly. She guided Maul toward the patio door, which Luke had already opened. “You hurt our Nanny and you tried to hurt Aunt Satine.”

“Wait…wait!” Maul cried out. “Mercy!”

“Nope.” The twins guided him over the railing and let him dangle there for a good moment or two. “Okay, Luke. One…two…three!”

****

“Awww,” Luke sighed. “He didn’t bounce.”

****

“Well.” Obi-Wan stroked his chin as the coroner droids scooped up the remains on the sidewalk. “That’s Darth Maul, all over.”

“Indeed,” Yoda agreed. “No pity have natural laws, hmmm?”

“… **exactly** why we should hire Ahsoka as their nanny!” Padmé yelled from nearby. “You know I’m right, Anakin!”

“So, are you two okay?” the subject of that conversation asked the twins. “Just between us,” she whispered, “you did good. Have a cookie each.”

“Thank you, Auntie Soka,” they chimed in unison.

“Okay guys,” their father said, clearly retreating from the Wrath of Amidala. “Just where did you learn that little stunt?”

“Oh, from Miss Ventress,” Leia said proudly.

“I…what?” Asajj gasped, suddenly very much aware of the narrowed eyes aimed her way.

“Yeah, you know!” Luke said helpfully. “Remember the time that Ezra kid walked into the shop--the one you called a whiny little know-it-all--and you sent him flying across the street before he could say a word? That was so cool!”

“Uh…er….” She abruptly whirled around. “Gotta go. Cookies in the oven.”

“At any rate,” Padmé sighed, “I think it’s clear that Luke and Leia should enter the Jedi Temple for training…and protection.”

“The question is, who would be protected from whom?” Obi-Wan chuckled.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. I think that’s a great idea,” Anakin said. “Unfortunately, _someone_ here refused their applications until they ‘some self-control they displayed’.” He glared down at Yoda.

“Too old for this, am I,” the Jedi Master grumbled.

“So I’ll train them,” Ahsoka offered. “You can’t let them go around like this, guys. I can run them through the basics and maybe teach them some restraint…and then we can revisit the possibility of Temple. Okay?”

“I believe it to be the best available option,” Obi-Wan mused.

“Well…all right,” Anakin said reluctantly. “But no more shooting bad guys out the window, you two. Okay?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Ahsoka hugged the twins. “This is going to be great, you know! We are going to have so much fun, guys! And,” she added in a hushed tone, “I can show you even better ways to take guys out that are much less messy, too! Secret Jedi Mind Control Tricks! What do you say?”

“YAYYY!”


End file.
